


'cause we live in darker times (open my eyes so i can see brighter)

by connorswhisk



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: ;), F/F, and then we weren't, but i was in love with you, quarantine fic #5, technically 6 but, that's literally the show, wait, what if we were friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:01:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/connorswhisk/pseuds/connorswhisk
Summary: Back in high school, Catra and Adora used to be friends. Best friends. As close as it's possible for two people to be without being married to each other.And then Catra made the mistake of telling Adora she was in love with her. Adora stopped talking to her. And now they're not friends anymore.Now they go to separate neighboring colleges. And Catra is trying her hardest to pretend that Adora doesn't exist.It's not as easy as it sounds.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 238





	'cause we live in darker times (open my eyes so i can see brighter)

**Author's Note:**

> i made a playlist for this fic. you should definitely listen to it to get the Full Experience ;)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5O00eC7dLkAKAAiZxuQNf1?si=M1sLPghFQX2DqySWiTRmQA
> 
> title taken from you are a beam of light by the beths, which is definitely on that playlist, don't worry about it

The thing is, it’s really all Scorpia’s fault.

Catra wasn’t planning on going to Glimmer’s party. Catra _hates_ parties, actually. Too much socializing, too much loud music and flashing lights. No, Catra’s perfectly happy to just _stay at home_ and _not go._

“Party at my place. My parents are out of town,” Glimmer had said earlier that day to Catra in their PoliSci class. “Tell Scorpia.”

“Glimmer, you’re cool and all,” Catra told her. “But do you really see _me_ at a party?”

Glimmer shrugged, smacking her bubblegum. The sugary smell of it hit Catra’s nostrils with full force and made her want to vomit.

“I don’t know,” she said. “But it would be super lame if you _didn’t_ come.”

“Yeah, Catra,” Mermista said, turning back to face them. “ _Super_ lame.”

“Mermista, you weren’t even - “ Catra growled, but Glimmer held up a hand.

“Tell Scorpia,” she said. “And come if you feel like it. Which you _should._ ”

So Catra _did_ tell Scorpia, but she made it clear from the beginning that she had no intention of going at all.

But since it’s _Scorpia,_ she’s not willing to let Catra stay home so easily. Catra loves her, she really does (though you’d never catch her saying so out loud), but once an idea gets into Scorpia’s head, she will _not_ let it go. To the point where it drives Catra up-the-walls _crazy._

“Are you _suuuuuuuure?_ ” Scorpia sings as Catra dumps her usual pile of Friday-night snacks on her bed, prepared for a quiet evening of TV and no roommate.

“Yes, Scorpia, I’m positive,” Catra mutters, planting herself firmly on the bed. “You know I don’t like parties.”

“Yeah, but - “ Scorpia seems to do some quick thinking. “Sea Hawk’s going to be there!”

“Why would you think that would convince me?” Catra asks. “If anything, the presence of Sea Hawk at that party makes me want to go even _less._ ”

“Aw, _come on,_ Catra, Sea Hawk’s _cool!_ And I’m actually letting myself be _late_ to this thing because I’m with you! You should _cooooome._ ”

Catra shrugs. “Whatever.” She starts to open a bag of Hot Fries.

“Catra. _Catra. Caaaaaatraaaaaaaaa._ ”

Catra sighs. “ _What,_ Scorpia.”

Scorpia’s doing that thing she does where she pouts, jutting her lower lip out and making her eyes super big. It looks really stupid, and it definitely should not be capable of convincing _anyone_ to do _anything._ Which means that it works on Catra _very_ well.

Usually.

Catra groans. “Scorpia, I’m sorry, but I’m really not feeling it tonight. I’m tired. I want to stay in.”

Scorpia huffs. “But you stay in _every night!_ ”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Next time, ok?”

“That’s what you said _last time,_ ” Scorpia grumbles, but she kisses Catra on the top of her head (like always) and leaves the dorm.

_Finally,_ Catra thinks to herself. _Some peace and quiet._

Maybe saying that jinxed everything, though, because Catra’s only ten minutes into an episode of _Killing Eve_ before the texts start coming in droves.

**Scorpia**

**Scorpia:** sorry in advance!! xoxo

**Me:**???

**Glimmer**

**Glimmer:** CATRA!!! why aren’t you here????? >:(((((

**Mermista**

**Mermista:** get ur gay ass over here

**Mermista:** stop being lame

**Bow**

**Bow:** Hey, I know we don’t talk a lot, but Scorpia told me 2 tell u to come 2 the party

**Sea Hawk**

**Sea Hawk:** CARTA ! THIS PARTY; IS NOT THE SAME WITHUOT YOU!! 🎉🎉🎉 COME ON NWO ;DFS.D 🎉🎉🎉 I. AM DRNK!

**Entrapta**

**Entrapta:** Catra please come to the party. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

**Lonnie**

**Lonnie:** Just come over, Catra.

**Entrapta**

**Entrapta:** Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

**Scorpia**

**Me:** if i come over will you make them all STOP

**Scorpia:** yes 😘😘😘

**Entrapta**

**Entrapta:** Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

**Me:** ENTRAPTA.

**Entrapta:** Sorry hehe <3

Catra groans. Now she’s got no choice but to go to Glimmer’s party, lest she sacrifice her phone notifications for the rest of the night. Sure, she could always put it on do not disturb, but she’d still _know_ they were texting her, and she’d feel really _guilty._

She jabs her finger at Jodie Comer’s face on her laptop screen. “Somehow, I know this is your fault,” she growls, and then she throws on a hoodie, pulls her hair back, and walks out of the room.

She brings the Hot Fries, though. No use letting perfectly good junk food go to waste.

Glimmer’s parents’s house, which is a five-minute walk from campus, is literally bursting with people. Catra groans to herself again, shoulders her way through a group of stoners on the front steps, and walks inside.

She spots Entrapta immediately, because she’s over by the no doubt extremely expensive stereo, trying to take the back off of it. Catra heads over to her.

“ _Hey,_ ” she yells over the beat of the music. “ _Isn’t this hurting your ears?_ ”

Entrapta looks up and grins. “ _CATRA!_ ” she shouts, throwing her arms around Catra’s neck and hugging her. For such a short person, Entrapta still has enough strength to almost knock Catra to the ground.

Catra pats the back of her head, because if Entrapta’s initiated the touching, then she’s ok for Catra to touch her back.

“Hi, Entrapta.”

Entrapta leans back and pokes Catra’s face. “Why did it take so long to get you to come, huh?!?! Do you hate fun? _Is that it?!?!_ ”

Catra rolls her eyes. “I don’t _hate fun,_ Entrapta, I’m just tired.”

“Well, you can stop being tired, now,” Entrapta says. “Because we’re at a party! Look, there’s Scorpia!”

Catra barely has time to turn around before Scorpia’s barreling into her with the full force of a monster truck, quite literally lifting Catra off of the ground out of sheer excitement.

“ _I knew you’d come!_ ” she yells. “ _Isn’t this exciting?!?_ ”

Catra grimaces as Scorpia puts her down. “It’s a college party, not graduation.”

Scorpia pretends not to hear her. “Hey, we’re doing shots over in the kitchen! Also, I think Sea Hawk’s dancing on the table. Come watch!”

“ _How_ is he _already_ wasted?” Catra mutters. “Hasn’t this party only been going for, like, two hours tops?”

Scorpia shrugs. “Who knows? Entrapta, you coming?”

Entrapta shakes her head, turning back to the stereo. “I’m so close to busting this thing’s secrets wide open…it’s going to be glorious.” She rubs her hands together like she’s some sort of criminal mastermind.

“Cool!” Scorpia says, because this sort of talk from Entrapta is pretty normal, and drags Catra off toward the kitchen.

“Well, well, well,” Mermista drawls from their spot leaning against the counter. “Look what the cat dragged in. Or should I say, look who dragged in the cat.”

“Haha,” Catra says. “Don’t you have a drunk boyfriend to be monitoring?”

Mermista takes a sip of whatever’s in their cup. “Sea Hawk? Last I checked, Kyle and Rogelio were watching him.”

Catra winces. Drunk Sea Hawk + Nervous Kyle + Way Too Relaxed Rogelio = Total Disaster

“Catra!” Glimmer hops off the kitchen island and saunters toward her. “Took you long enough.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Catra says. “You can all shut up about it now.”

“ _We’re doing shots!_ ” Bow yells, one of his signature annoyingly-large grins plastering his face. “You in?”

“I’m good,” Catra says. “I’m not really looking forward to the possible after-effects of those shots tomorrow morning.”

Glimmer sticks out her tongue, sits back down, and rests her head on Bow’s shoulder. “Boo, you’re no fun. Hey, Bow, did she text you back yet?”

Bow checks his phone. “She says she’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

“Who?” Catra asks.

“Our friend,” Bow says. “We’ve known her for a while, we’re all like, _really tight._ She goes to the other college…you know…the - what’s it called?”

“Etheria?” Scorpia asks, laughing. “Wow, Bow, you are _tipsy!_ ”

Bow waves his hand, sloshes some of his beer on himself in the process. “Yeah, whatever.”

“Are you _sure_ you don’t want to do shots, Catra?” Scorpia asks, offering her a glass. “Not even one?”

“Sorry, Scorpia,” Catra replies, grinning. “I think I’ll just stick to beer.”

Scorpia shrugs. “Suit yourself,” she says and proceeds to down two in one go.

Catra sits back and watches her friends get more and more drunk, occasionally glancing over to make sure that Kyle and Rogelio haven’t let Sea Hawk climb on the roof or anything (they _really_ don’t need a repeat of freshman year. Catra is _not_ calling the fire department again), and after a few minutes of nursing a solo cup of beer and nodding her head to the music, she’s even starting to get into the party herself.

That is, until Bow points over at the door, his face lit up like a Christmas tree, and shouts, “ _ADORA!_ ”

Catra’s throat goes dry immediately. Surely he’s not talking about…No, it must be someone else who’s also conveniently named Adora. There’s no way it’s the Adora Catra used to know. There’s no way it’s the Adora Catra used to be best friends with. There’s no way it’s the same Adora that ruined Catra’s life.

Catra forces herself to turn and look, crossing her fingers inside the front pocket of her hoodie that it’s all just coincidence, and that the person who just walked through the door and is apparently Glimmer and Bow’s _best friend_ is someone Catra has never seen in her life.

But that perky blonde ponytail is unmistakable.

_Shit. Fuck. Goddammit._ It’s Adora, _Catra’s_ Adora, and she looks _really good._ Her hair is longer than it was the last time Catra saw her (which was when? Two years ago?), and she’s wearing that same red hoodie that she’s worn for practically her whole life, effortlessly casual and yet classy all at once. She smiles when she sees Bow and Glimmer racing toward her, and the sight of that smile makes Catra want to scream and cry at the same time because it’s been so long since she’s seen it, and though she hates to admit it, Catra’s really, really _missed_ Adora.

She watches as Adora, Glimmer, and Bow collapse into a group hug and begin chatting animatedly with each other. Catra wonders if she should leave the room while she still can, go back over to Entrapta or lock herself in the bathroom and have a panic attack, maybe, but she’s rooted to the spot. She tries to move her feet, but nothing happens. All she can do is stare at Adora and pray that she doesn’t notice her.

Adora’s eyes drift away from Bow’s over-the-top hand gestures, sliding across the whole party until her gaze reaches the kitchen and lands on Catra. Adora’s eyes widen, and she swallows, before quickly glancing away.

_So much for being discreet._

“Fuck,” Catra says. “ _Fuck,_ this is bad.”

Scorpia frowns. “What’s wrong?”

Catra shakes her head and puts her face in her hands. “Nothing. ‘M’fine.”

She can practically hear Scorpia’s eyebrow rising. “Yeah, _right._ Come on, you were doing ok two seconds ago. Are you jealous that Bow and Glimmer are friends with someone else?”

Catra shakes her head. “I don’t _care_ who they’re friends with. At least, not _usually._ ”

Scorpia hums. “Is it the one with the ponytail?”

Catra glances up. “How’d you know?”

Scorpia shrugs. “Best friend intellect. Also, you’ve got depressed ex-lover written all over you, girl.”

Catra groans. “Ugh. I don’t really want to talk about it. I was kinda hoping I’d never see her again.”

“Wait,” Scorpia says. “Is she the childhood friend you told me about?”

Catra didn’t really _tell_ Scorpia anything, she kind of just _mentioned it in passing,_ and she _also_ never told Scorpia anything about what _happened_ with Adora, but maybe Scorpia’s smarter than Catra gives her credit for.

“Yeah,” Catra says, trying to hide her face behind her cup as she takes a drink. “And she’s coming this way.”

“Well, I don’t know about you,” Scorpia says. “But I’m more interested in the one with flowers in her hair. She’s _cute._ ”

“That’s great, Scorpia,” Catra mutters. “You can get a girlfriend while I try and hide from my old best friend. Totally sounds fair.”

Scorpia’s eyebrows knit together. “No, I don’t think it’s _that_ fair.”

Catra rolls her eyes.

“Guys,” Glimmer says, pulling Adora forward. “This is Adora! Bow and I have known her since freshman year, and she’s super cool! Adora, this is Scorpia and Catra, and Mermista _was_ here, but I think they went over to Sea Hawk. But you know Mermista, anyway.”

“Hi,” Adora says, lifting her hand in a little half-wave, and Catra’s chest tightens at the sound of her voice. “Nice to meet you, Scorpia. Catra and I already know each other, actually.”

Catra nods in Adora’s general direction without actually looking at her. She sort of wishes she could just melt into the floor right now.

“Oh, cool!” Glimmer says, smiling. “Where do you guys know each other from?”

Catra coughs. “School,” she supplies, staring at her sneakers.

A somewhat awkward silence follows. Adora isn’t saying anything, and Catra can only assume it’s because she doesn’t care.

“Ah,” Bow says finally. “Ok. Well, anyway, who’s your friend, Adora?”

“Oh, God, sorry,” Adora says to her friend. “I totally forgot to introduce you. Guys, this is Perfuma. She’s my roommate over at Etheria.”

“ _Hi!_ ” Perfuma’s all sunny, pink, flowery - everything Catra doesn’t like and everything Scorpia _loves._ That’s great for Scorpia, but Catra needs a way out of this conversation as soon as possible.

“Hi,” Scorpia says, looking starstruck. “I’m Scorpia.”

Perfuma giggles. “I know. Glimmer said so.”

Scorpia flushes. “Right.”

“Ok, Adora,” Glimmer says, turning to the island and the many bottles of liquor on it. “What can I get you?”

Adora’s eyes light up. “Vodka?”

While Glimmer and Adora are occupied with pouring drinks, Bow is occupied with trying to stay upright, and Scorpia and Perfuma are occupied with each other, Catra slips away. Fully intent on wall flowering by Entrapta and avoiding Adora for the rest of the night and also the rest of her life, she shoulders her way through the hordes of dancing, intoxicated people toward the stereo.

“Back so soon?” Entrapta asks, not looking up from the wires she’s managed to extract. Miraculously, the music is still playing just fine. Maybe even louder than before.

“Yeah,” Catra sighs, leaning back against the wall. “Coming here was a mistake.”

“Why?” Entrapta asks. “It seemed like you were starting to have fun, and then that blonde girl walked in, and now you’re upset. You’re not even drunk or anything.” She looks up and frowns at Catra. “Why aren’t you drunk?”

“Why aren’t _you_ drunk?” Catra growls, and then sighs. “Sorry, Entrapta. I don’t mean to be a dick, I’m just really…pissed off right now.”

“It’s because of the girl,” Entrapta says. “What’s her name?”

“Adora,” Catra grumbles.

“Hm. Pretty name. Why don’t you want to hang out with her?”

Catra downs the rest of what’s in her cup and chucks it into the crowd. She’s pretty sure she hits Double Trouble on the back of the head, but she doesn’t really care.

“Because I fucked up our whole friendship,” she tells Entrapta, knowing she can vent to her safely. “We were best friends since we were, like, _six,_ and then in senior year of high school, I made the mistake of telling her I was in love with her, and it ruined everything.”

Entrapta cocks her head to the side. “She got mad at you?”

“No,” Catra says ruefully. “I wish. If she’d gotten mad at me, at least we could have fought it out. She just left the room. And then she stopped talking to me. I think the message was pretty clear.”

“You didn’t try asking her about it or anything?” Entrapta asks, eyeing a bright yellow wire scrutinizingly. “That’s what I would have done.”

“Trust me,” Catra says. “She did _not_ want to talk about it. And I can’t _believe_ she’s here now. Things couldn’t be worse.”

Entrapta shrugs, pulling the yellow wire. The music gets even _louder_ if that’s possible. “So don’t talk to her, then. Just avoid her all night and never speak to her again.”

Catra shifts. “Well. Yeah. That’s what I was going to do.”

Entrapta straightens her back and cracks it. “Sure, ok. If that’s what you want.”

Sometimes, Entrapta can be really _infuriating,_ especially because she’s almost always _right._ Because it _would_ be super easy to just not talk to Adora and never have to see her anymore. Catra could totally do it, no problem, and Adora would probably be relieved if she did. They would both walk away from this stupid and awkward encounter feeling a lot better about everything, and knowing that it won’t happen again.

It would be so simple to do that. And yet part of Catra doesn’t _want_ to. Part of Catra wants to march right up to Adora and demand why she reacted the way she did two and a half years ago, why she didn’t just let Catra down easy. Part of Catra wants to get in a big screaming match with her right now and let everyone at this dumb party hear all their dirty laundry because she’s just buzzed enough to do it. And part of Catra, the part that is so enticing and so awful, just wants to grab Adora by the collar of that red hoodie and kiss her senseless.

This sucks.

“This _sucks,_ ” Catra complains.

Entrapta hums. “I’m sorry, Catra.”

“I think I’m just gonna stay here and contemplate the meaning of my life for the rest of the night, ok?”

“Sure thing,” Entrapta responds. “Although you’ll probably want to go home at some point. I can’t imagine that sleeping on Glimmer’s living room floor would be very comfortable. Though her family _does_ have a very nice Persian rug. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. Actually, maybe I should test that out.”

So Catra spends the next couple of hours up against the wall, not drinking, scowling at the rest of the room with her arms crossed while Entrapta continues to tinker with the stereo (what she’s _doing_ with it exactly, Catra isn’t sure). She only catches a few glimpses of Adora, who mostly stays in the kitchen and drinks. Catra can just see the crest of her ponytail from where she’s standing, and she hates the way her heart leaps with excitement and her stomach churns with nausea at the sight of it. She tries not to look at it, instead scrolling through Twitter and watching Sea Hawk perform his usual rendition of “Tequila,” dancing up on the tabletop like he’s Peewee fucking Herman. Catra really wonders sometimes how moody, judgmental Mermista is into him.

Scorpia swings by a few times to try to get Catra to come back and hang out with the rest of them, but Catra is pretty dead-set on staying where she is, and after a while, Scorpia gives up, which is unusual, but Scorpia is also drunker than usual. Catra can see her now, bouncing and flailing around the crowd in the crazy, all-over-the-place way that she usually dances, with Perfuma right beside her, grinning and laughing.

Around one in the morning, Catra starts to think that it’s probably time for her to go home. She’s done her time, stayed here as long as she can bear, and all she wants right now is her pillow and something to get the taste of warm beer out of her mouth.

“Hey,” she says to Entrapta, who’s been hooking stereo wires to Glimmer’s Roomba for the past fifteen minutes. “I’m headed out.”

Entrapta looks up and frowns. “What time is it?”

“1:07.”

Entrapta hums to herself. “I guess I’d probably better wrap this up. Do you like her?”

She holds the Roomba out to Catra. The thing is making a lot of weird beeping noises, and vibrating ever-so-slightly. Catra honestly has no idea what it’s supposed to be, other than a _vacuum cleaner._

“She’s…great,” Catra says, hoping her smile isn’t too false-looking.

Entrapta grins. “Her name’s Emily. I think I need to take her home and work on her some more. Hopefully, Mermista won’t mind all the noise.”

“Right.” Catra nods. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, probably.”

Entrapta is already busy with her bot again. “Yep. Good night, Catra.”

Catra only makes it about five paces across the room before Adora comes out of nowhere, lurching drunkenly directly into Catra’s path. Something acidic makes its way through Catra’s gut - she’d almost forgotten Adora was at the party at all, and now she’s here, right here, and very clearly shit-faced.

“Catra,” she slurs. “ _How’sitgoin?_ ”

“Um,” Catra says, looking around for any sign of someone she knows to take care of this very major issue for her. “Hey, Adora.”

Adora grins. “I missed hearing you say that. I like that you say my name that way…hey, why’d we ever stop hanging out?”

Catra’s palms feel sweaty. “Uh. I don’t know. Where are Bow and Glimmer?”

Adora rolls her eyes and shrugs carelessly, the smile still stuck to her face. “Who knows? I think that they went into Glimmer’s bidroom. Bidroom? I meant _bedroom._ ”

“Great,” Catra mutters. “That’s just great. Now _I_ have to deal with this.”

A new song blares over the speakers, some pop tune that Scorpia probably knows all the words to, and Adora starts to sway a little, nodding offbeat, her grin getting even dopier.

  
“God, this song is so _good,_ ” she says. “I think it’s like…the best song _ever._ Hey, Catra, you should dance with me!”

Catra forces a smile and nods. “That’s ok, Adora. I think I’m gonna go home.”

Adora scowls, confused, like she isn’t sure what Catra said. “Home? But…this is your house.”

“No, this is _Glimmer’s_ house,” Catra says impatiently. “And I am leaving it to go to my dorm.”

Adora shrugs. “Suit yourself,” she says and lifts her cup to her mouth like she’s going to drink from it. Before she can, someone from the crowd backs into her while dancing, and vodka spills all over Adora’s stupid red jacket.

“Shit,” she mutters, drops the cup, and proceeds to try and suck the alcohol out of the cloth.

Catra sighs. She can’t leave Adora like this, because no matter how much she wants to forget about her entirely, Catra still cares for Adora a lot. She grabs her by the arm and starts to pull her through the crowd, toward where she knows Glimmer’s bathroom is.

“Heyyy, where are you takin’ me?” Adora asks, giggling. “To get another drink?”

“No,” Catra says firmly. “You’ve had enough. I’m cleaning you up.”

“Awwwww, _thaaaanks._ ”

Catra wrenches open the door to the bathroom. There’s a guy and a girl sitting on the toilet with their hands up each other’s shirts, and Catra is _grateful_ that she doesn’t know who they are.

“ _Beat it,_ ” she hisses. “Go on, get the fuck out of here.”

The couple gives her disgruntled and offended looks as they leave the bathroom, but Catra doesn’t really care enough to shoot them a look back. She drags Adora inside, shuts and locks the door, and sits Adora on the toilet while she looks for a washcloth.

“Y’know, that wasn’t very _nice,_ ” Adora says. “Just kickin’ them out like that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not really the nicest person around, in case you haven’t noticed,” Catra mutters, wetting the cloth under the tap. “Being _nice_ doesn’t really get you anywhere in life.”

“It got _me_ anywhere.”

“That’s because you’re good at it.” Catra turns to Adora and presses the washcloth to the collar of her jacket, trying not to pay too much attention to how close they are right now.

Adora inhales deep and hums. “You _smell good._ ”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Yup.”

She works at the collar for a few more minutes, Adora humming aimlessly and staring at the flowered wallpaper-covered walls, but after a while, it seems pretty pointless; the stain is just too big, and there’s too much of it on the inside.

“Ok, look,” Catra says, leaning back. “I’m gonna need you to take off your jacket.”

Adora cocks her head to the side. “Why?”

“Because,” Catra says through gritted teeth. “I need to run it underwater. Take it off.”

Adora shrugs and starts to pull off her hoodie, but her fingers fumble drunkenly and her arm gets caught in the sleeve. She giggles.

“Catra,” she says. “Catra, I can’t get it out. Catraaaa. Help me, Catra. _Caaaaaaaatraaaaaaa._ ”

“Yeah, _ok,_ ” Catra says. “I’m coming.”

She steadies her hand on Adora’s shoulder and pulls the jacket all the way off of her, which proves a little difficult, as Adora just does not want to move her arm at all. When Catra finally takes it off, she realizes that her hand is still on Adora’s shoulder, half-touching her t-shirt, half-touching her bare skin, and Catra feels rooted to the spot. She can’t move. She is touching Adora for the first time in years and she can’t stop doing it.

Adora brings her hand up to cover Catra’s. “Your hands are still as soft as I remember,” she murmurs, and she’s so close Catra can smell the vodka on her breath, and her eyes are all hooded, and -

She jerks back quickly and starts to wash the jacket. Her heart is racing and she can’t get it to slow down. Catra thought she’d gotten _over_ Adora, she thought she’d stopped liking her when they stopped being friends, or at least, a little bit after the fact, but now that Adora is back in her life, she’s being forced to face the truth:

Catra never fell out of love with Adora, and at this point, she’s not sure if she ever will.

“So,” Catra starts and clears her throat. “So, how’s Etheria? The classes, I mean.”

She realizes it’s futile to try and have a real conversation with a drunk person, but she’s too panicked to really care. If Catra doesn’t do _something_ to fill this awkward silence, she’s going to explode. Either that, or tell Adora she loves her again, and to be perfectly honest, Catra would rather blow up than have to go through that a second time.

Adora hums tonelessly. “’S’ _fine._ I like rooming with Perfuma. She’s so _cool._ ”

“Yeah,” Catra says, swallowing and hoping she doesn’t sound nervous. “My roomie Scorpia seems to really like her.”

“Hehe,” Adora giggles. Catra watches her fling her arms back and flail around for balance for a moment before righting herself. “Wouldn’t it be _funny_ if our roommates started dating? Then we would see each other _all the time._ ”

“Right,” Catra says. “All the time.”

She turns around and hands Adora her now soaked-through jacket. “Here. I did the best I could, but you’re still going to want to throw it in the wash. And you probably shouldn’t put it on, it’s pretty wet.”

Adora takes the jacket and drapes it around her shoulders. She frowns. “Catra, why did we stop hanging out with each other?”

“You already asked me that,” Catra says, not wanting to talk about it again.

“You didn’t really _answer_ me,” Adora points out. “We were so close. What happened?”

Catra shakes her head. If Adora doesn’t remember everything that went down, then she’s in no position to be having a deep conversation. And maybe Catra doesn’t _want_ to talk about it, anyway.

“I already told you,” Catra says. “I don’t know why. And I need to get home. Are you going to be ok?”

Adora nods, still frowning. “Yes, I think so. But, Catra - “

“Great,” Catra says, turning around and putting her hand on the door handle because Glimmer is fancy enough to have door _handles_ instead of _knobs._ “In that case, I guess this is - “

Adora’s fingers wrap around Catra’s wrist, and bolts of electricity shoot up Catra’s spine. “Catra, _wait._ ”

Catra swallows. She turns her head. Adora is standing, swaying a little, but standing, and looking at Catra determinedly.“What is it, Ad - “

Adora leans forward and presses her vodka-flavored lips to Catra’s.

Catra jerks back immediately. “What are you - “

Adora blinks. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Adora,” Catra gasps. “Adora, you’re - _drunk._ ”

Adora shrugs. “I don’t _feel_ drunk.”

Catra’s brain is starting to descend into full-blown panic mode. “Ok, but you _are_ drunk, and you don’t mean any of this, and - _good night,_ Adora, good _night._ ”

She pulls her hand free and rushes out the bathroom door.

Adora _kissed_ her. Adora came to this party, got drunk, and _kissed_ Catra, and Catra has no idea what to do. She’s always _wanted_ to kiss Adora - but not like this, not like this at all.

Catra’s brain is racing a mile a minute like she just came out of the movies after drinking a whole slushy and eating a box of Sour Patch Kids. She’d never thought she’d have to _see_ Adora again, and now Adora is kissing her like it _doesn’t even matter to her._

Which it probably doesn’t. Adora is drunk, Adora is probably horny _because_ she’s drunk, and Adora is _definitely_ straight. Her kissing Catra doesn’t mean anything. She’s… _confused._ It means nothing. It means nothing. It means nothing.

But it means a lot to Catra, anyway.

She makes it outside, suddenly grateful for the cool October air that’s been chapping her lips all week. She takes a second to breathe, crossing the lawn and sitting on the curb with her head in her hands, ignoring the drunk people wrestling on the grass a few feet away from her.

“What’s the matter with you?”

Catra looks up. Lonnie is standing there, a lit cigarette in between her fingers, and eyeing Catra skeptically. Catra hadn’t even heard her coming.

“Nothing,” Catra mumbles. “I’m fine.”

Lonnie snorts. She sits down next to Catra, takes a drag off her cig. “You don’t _look_ fine.”

Catra scowls. “Yeah? Why do you care, anyway? It’s none of your business.”

Lonnie raises an eyebrow. “Because I’m your friend? Jesus, Catra, we’ve only known each other our _whole lives._ ”

Catra stares down at the pavement. “Whatever. I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“You don’t,” Lonnie agrees. “But you seem like you want to.”

And _damn it,_ why does she have to be _right?_

Catra sighs. “Do you remember Adora? From high school?”

“Do I _remember_ her?” Lonnie scoffs. “Catra, you two were _inseparable._ Of _course_ I remember Adora.”

“Yeah, ok, ok,” Catra says. “Well, anyway, she was here tonight.”

“Oh, _really?_ I didn’t _notice_ her.”

“ _All right,_ ” Catra growls. “I _get it,_ Lonnie.”

Lonnie snickers. “Sorry. Hey, why’d you guys stop being friends, anyway?”

Catra sighs again. “I told her I was in love with her.”

“Ah,” Lonnie says sagely. “That’ll about do it.”

“Yeah,” Catra says miserably. “And I was trying to avoid her tonight because of that, but then she spilled shit all over her so I was helping her clean up in the bathroom, and then she…she _kissed_ me, and I left, and…now I’m here, talking to you.”

Lonnie blows a trail of smoke near Catra’s face, and Catra glares and leans away from it.

“She kissed you?”

“Yeah.”

Lonnie hums. “Well. That’s not good.”

Catra groans. “ _No,_ it’s not, and I also figured out that I still like her, and I’m really freaking out. I don’t know what to _do._ ”

She glances over at Lonnie.

Lonnie makes a face. “What, you think just because I’m out here and I’m alone, I’m going to give you advice?”

“Well,” Catra says, grinning in spite of everything because she forgot how much she likes Lonnie. “ _Yeah._ That’d be pretty helpful.”

Lonnie rolls her eyes, but she smiles anyway. “Look, all I’ve gotta say is that the best thing to do, in any situation, is to talk about it.”

“Really?” Catra asks. “ _That’s_ your advice?”

Lonnie holds up her hands. “Hey, man, I didn’t ask you to come out here. I know it’ll be awkward, but seriously. Just…ask Adora out for coffee or something. Even if she gets mad, at least you’ll get some type of closure.”

“I _guess,_ ” Catra says, frowning.

“That’s all I’ve got, so if you need something else, you’re shit out of luck.”

Lonnie’s advice isn’t _bad,_ but Catra really does not want to talk to Adora about this, or about anything at all, really. The truth is that Adora was probably just doing that _thing_ that straight girls _do,_ where they want to drunkenly experiment in college, and it doesn’t mean anything, and Adora will go home and listen to Katy Perry and think about how Catra was a fun fling, but she’s still one hundred percent into dudes.

In reality, the best thing for Catra to do right now is to just remove herself from the situation entirely and put the memory of tonight out of her head. It’ll be better for everyone in the long run, and she’ll never have to see Adora again.

That does sound a little sad, though. Never getting to see Adora again. Because they’d gotten along so _well_ in high school, and Catra had never wanted to hang out with everyone else. When they’d stopped being friends, Catra had met Scorpia and Entrapta in college and made her own new little friend group with them, and she’d stopped thinking about Adora entirely.

But that’s a lie, really, because Catra _never_ stopped thinking about Adora, and now, no matter how much she wants to, she’s not sure if she’ll ever be able to.

Scorpia is still out by the time Catra makes it back to the dorm. She flops on her bed without changing into her pajamas, and is miraculously sleep within minutes. She thought she’d have to endure a long night of thinking and worrying over Adora and the kiss, but it seems like she’s in the clear.

Or at least she thinks so until she _dreams_ about Adora, which is so much worse.

In her dream, Catra’s all the way back in senior year of high school. It’s a month before graduation, three months before Adora started going to Etheria Academy and Catra moved on to Grayskull University, and they’re sitting in Catra’s room, having just snuck home after a huge party at the house of someone neither of them really knew that well. They’re high, a little on weed, a lot on each other, and they’re giggling and trying not to wake up Catra’s parents down the hall.

“ _Shhhh,_ ” Catra says, snickering quietly. “Adora, _shhhhhhhhh._ ” But Adora is laughing so hard that she can’t stop, and eventually Catra hands her a pillow to bury her face into.

Once Adora calms down, Catra pulls out her laptop and puts on _Legally Blonde._ Neither of them is really watching it, but it’s nice to have the background noise. Adora reaches over and tangles her fingers with Catra’s own, and Catra’s heart beats faster than she wants it to. Faster than it should, but she can’t help it. Adora just has that effect on her.

At some point during the movie, while Elle is in the beauty salon teaching Paulette how to bend and snap, Adora shifts slightly, props her head upon her elbow, and asks,

“Are you worried about college?”

Catra doesn’t take her eyes off of Reese Witherspoon, just continues playing with Adora’s fingers and says,

“Like, am I nervous about classes and going to a new school and stuff?” She considers it. “Not really. I think I’ll be ok.”

“No,” Adora says, moving closer to Catra. “I mean, are you worried about us going to different colleges?”

Catra frowns. “Are you?”

Adora huffs. “Well, I don’t know. Maybe a little bit. It’s just like - what if we stop being friends? What if we find new people?”

“Adora,” Catra says. “We’ve been best friends since we were six years old. I don’t think something like us going to different schools is going to change that. I mean, we’ll only be a few miles away from each other, anyway. We can meet up on weekends for study dates and stuff.”

Adora grins. “And for parties.”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“Aw, come on. You had fun tonight, admit it.”

Catra smiles, swats Adora playfully. “You know I did. Jerk.”

Adora laughs quietly. She looks back at the screen. In the low light-levels of Catra’s room, at three in the morning or whatever fucking time it is, she always looks so… _ethereal._ Her hair is all over the place, escaping from her ponytail, her smile is relaxed and soft in the orange glow of Catra’s lamp, and something about the way that the computer screen reflects in Adora’s pupils looks so _captivating._ Catra gets a little lost, looking at her instead of the movie.

“You know, Jake Miller made a pass at me tonight,” Adora says, and Catra breaks out of her trance.

“Huh?”

“Yeah,” Adora says, not looking at Catra. “When you were talking to Lonnie. He came up to me and started flirting with me. He was really _drunk._ ”

Catra’s stomach is swirling in that familiar way that it always does whenever Adora talks about a guy. This happens a lot - some dude tries to hit on Adora or looks at her for way too long in gym class, and Catra has to stand aside and swallow her jealousy. Not because guys don’t do the same thing to her ( _definitely_ not that), but because no matter how creepy they are, all those boys will _still_ have a better shot at getting with Adora than Catra will. And that’s not something Catra really likes to think about, her feelings for Adora, because she always ends up feeling really depressed and sometimes a little horny. But mainly depressed.

“What,” Catra clears her throat. “What did you say to him?”

Adora shrugs. “Same thing I always do. ‘Sorry, I’m just not interested…’”

Catra lets go of Adora’s hand. “But you will be interested someday.”

Adora turns to her and frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I just mean,” Catra says bitterly. “That you’ll probably find a great guy for you at Etheria.”

“I mean,” Adora says. “I _might,_ but Catra, that doesn’t mean I won’t still hang out with _you -_ “

“How do you know that?” Catra demands, and she’s suddenly _angry._ “How do you _know_ that you won’t ditch me for the first guy that compliments your hair at a party?”

Adora sits up, _Legally Blonde_ forgotten. “When have I ever ditched you before? I wouldn’t do that to you, Catra, you’re my best friend.”

“And you’re my best friend, too,” Catra says, hating how fragile and pathetic her voice sounds. “But are you really going to want to hang out with me over your boyfriend? Would you really rather watch movies with me than go out to dinner with some guy?”

Adora shakes her head. “Catra, when I was going out with Rogelio, I didn’t - “

“That was in _seventh grade,_ Adora!” Catra exclaims, not caring to watch her volume anymore. “That doesn’t count! All you did was hold hands in the cafeteria and send each other awkward texts!”

Adora reaches over and pauses the movie, hitting the space bar with much more force than necessary. “Why do you think I would do that to you? Why do you think I would forget you like that? I’ve never done _anything_ like that to you before, Catra. I never would. I can’t _believe_ you don’t trust me enough. If I got a boyfriend, I would still hang out with you!”

“But how do you _know_ that?” Catra fumes, standing up off of the bed.

Adora stands too and throws up her hands in exasperation. “ _Jesus,_ Catra, I don’t! I don’t know that! But I don’t _think_ I would do that, and I think it’s stupid that _you_ think I _would!_ I mean, _you_ might get a boyfriend someday, and I’m not freaking out about _you_ leaving _me,_ am I?”

Something inside of Catra just sort of _snaps._

“But I’m not _going_ to have a boyfriend, Adora!” she hisses, feeling angry tears spring to her eyes. “Because I love _you!_ ”

Adora’s face goes very pale. “ _Wh - What?_ ”

Catra has this moment where she’s just stuck in the middle of it all. In between her confession and Adora’s shock, where, just for a millisecond, she’s suspended in limbo between two points. Someone hits the slow-mo button for just a _little bit -_

And then she realizes what she said, and reality crashes down on her like a ton of bricks.

“ _Holy shit,_ ” Catra says, horrified. She brings her hands up to her mouth. “ _Oh my God,_ Adora, I’m sorry, _fuck,_ I didn’t - “

Adora’s looking at the floor. Catra feels like she’s going to throw up.

“I think,” Adora says slowly. “I think I’m gonna go home.”

And before Catra can say anything else, she’s climbed out the window and she’s gone.

Catra sinks onto her bed, still in disbelief at what just happened. How could she be so _careless?_

All those times Catra imagined telling Adora how she felt, it never ended like this. If she was daydreaming, she’d think up some cheesy scene right out of a rom-com, where she would show up outside Adora’s bedroom window in the rain, and Adora would come down and kiss her, not caring if she got soaking wet. If it was a nightmare, Catra would tell Adora how she felt, and Adora would start shouting at her, telling her she never wanted to see her again. And that was bad, but _this?_

This is somehow worse. Catra would honestly take the screaming match over Adora not really saying _anything,_ over Adora just _leaving._ At least then, they’d all get everything out in the open. It’d be messy, but Adora would say everything she’d needed to say, and so would Catra.

But Adora _left._ Adora went home. Catra told her what she’s known since…since _the fourth grade, really,_ and Adora crawled out the window and went back to sleep at her own house. She hadn’t even really _said anything._ She’d just… _gone._

Catra pulls her knees to her chest, thanking whatever God is up there that her parents miraculously didn’t wake up, and cries as silently as she possibly can, shaking, quivering, taking huge, gulping breaths of air.

Adora is her best friend in the whole world, her _only_ friend, to be perfectly fucking honest, and Catra’s just ruined their whole relationship. Adora probably hates her. Adora probably thinks she’s disgusting. Adora probably never wants to see Catra again.

Catra wouldn’t blame her. 

And that’s when she wakes up, breathing heavily. It’s dark in the dorm room, though a little bit of white morning light is starting to creep through the curtains. Catra glances over. Scorpia is out cold, snoring softly.

Catra reaches for her phone, feeling her tank top unstick from her sweaty back in the process, and checks the time. 4:56.

_Way_ too early. Catra flops down on the bed again and breathes in and out, closes her eyes, and stares at the insides of her lids. She hadn’t really wanted to relive that memory, but Bow likes to say that the subconscious is really weird, and shows you lots of things, whether you want to see them or not, and maybe he’s right. Adora kissing her tonight _definitely_ brought up some less-than-perfect moments from Catra’s past.

“What the fuck,” Catra mutters to herself, bringing her fingers up to touch her lips. “Adora _kissed_ me.”

And then she promptly passes out.

She spends the rest of the weekend and the next week doing homework and trying not to think about Adora, which proves to be pretty difficult, because every time Catra gets bored while trying to balance an equation, or her mind starts to wander while she’s reading the same paragraph in her textbook over and over again in a desperate attempt to understand it, she can only think about Adora, and the kiss, and the party, and Adora, and high school, and Adora, and _Adora, Adora, Adora._

Scorpia keeps trying to talk to her about it, which is really annoying. She doesn’t know about the kiss (no one but Lonnie does, and Lonnie doesn’t snitch, thank _God_ ), but Entrapta told her what Catra had said about Adora, and now Scorpia keeps trying to get more details about Catra’s “quintessential" lesbian high school experience.

“ _Quintessential?_ How?” Catra asks, but Scorpia waves her hand.

“Whatever. Come _oooooooon,_ Catra, you can tell me anything!”

“I know,” Catra says. “But I don’t want to.”

“Are you _suuuuuuuuuuuure?_ ”

Catra sighs. “Look, all you need to know is that we were friends, I told her I loved her, and now we’re not. Adora is straight, and I - “ Catra swallows. “That’s fine.”

Scorpia looks at her sadly. “Are you sure?” she asks again.

“Totally,” Catra lies. No, she _doesn’t_ lie. Because Catra is completely fine with Adora staying out of her life forever.

But if that’s true, then why can’t she stop _thinking_ about her?

It’s the Friday after the party, a week after Adora kisses Catra, that Catra is (thankfully) having a night in, and (unthankfully) spending it not alone as she’d planned, but with Scorpia and Entrapta.

“So it’s simple,” Entrapta says, fingers tapping so fast they’re practically a blur on her keyboard. “You just need to text her and see if she wants to talk.”

Catra groans, flopping down on her back and staring up at the dull popcorn ceiling from her position on Scorpia’s bed. “You’re missing a crucial factor here, Entrapta: I don’t _want_ to talk to Adora.”

Entrapta looks up at her and blinks, not even pausing in her typing. “Why not?”

“Because,” Catra says, for what she feels like is the millionth time. “We don’t _need_ to talk. She’s straight. I’m not. I was in love with her. She _wasn’t_ in love with me. There’s nothing else _to_ talk about, so why can’t we just go on living our different lives at our different schools without having to see each other ever again?”

Entrapta shrugs. “That doesn’t sound very fun.”

“Maybe not to you,” Catra drones. “But to me, it sounds _perfect._ ”

It doesn’t.

“What do you think, Scorpia?” Entrapta asks. “Catra should talk to Adora, right?”

Scorpia doesn’t answer. She’s been texting someone for the past couple of minutes, red-faced and dopey-smiled, and totally not paying attention to anything else.

“Scorpia,” Entrapta says. “SCORPIA!”

Scorpia jumps. “Who’s-it what? Oh, what’s up, Entrapta?”

“We were - “

“Who are you texting?” Catra demands, fixing Scorpia with a Look.

Scorpia flushes instantly. “Hm? What? I - I wasn’t texting anyone. Psh. That’s _crazy,_ why would, why would _I_ be texting anyone?”

Catra raises her eyebrow. “It’s Perfuma, isn’t it?”

Scorpia’s face turns an even deeper shade of red. “Uhhhhh….”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Good for you, I guess.”

“ _Thanks._ ”

“Anyway, Scorpia,” Entrapta says, staring back at her screen, her eyes narrowed. “Catra and I were talking about the whole Adora situation, and I say that Catra should talk to her, and Catra says she shouldn’t, and Catra’s actually _wrong,_ so what do you think?”

Scorpia smiles. “Oh, that’s easy! Catra should definitely talk to Adora.”

Entrapta nods. “Exactly what I’ve been saying!”

Catra grumbles, tightening her hands into fists at her sides. “Look, I don’t need to talk to Adora about _anything._ I don’t understand why you guys don’t _get_ that. Just because I told her I was in love with her two years ago and just because she kissed me at the party, _doesn’t_ mean I want to meet up with her. It would be weird.”

Scorpia is staring at Catra, wide-eyed. Entrapta’s finally stopped typing, and she’s looking at Catra quizzically.

“What?”

“She _kissed_ you?!?!” Scorpia asks.

Catra blinks. “ _Fuck,_ ” she mutters. “I really gotta get a brain-to-mouth filter.”

“Were you not going to _tell_ us this?!?!” Scorpia demands.

Entrapta leans forward in her rolling chair (it actually belongs to Catra). “Explain what happened, now.”

So, because Catra has no other choice, she tells them all about the party, and drunk Adora, and what happened in Glimmer’s bathroom.

Scorpia looks like Hanukkah has come early. “ _Catra,_ she’s totally into you!”

Catra frowns. “What? No, she isn’t, she was just drunk and experimenting.”

Scorpia rolls her eyes. “Oh, c’mon, Catra. Would your ex-bestie _really_ experiment with you?”

Catra blinks. “Uh, _yeah,_ I think she would, Scorpia.”

Entrapta nods. “Well, this just further proves my point.”

“What do you mean?”

“You one hundred and ten percent - “ She pauses. “Let me rephrase that: You one _hundred_ percent (because one hundred and _ten_ would be a statistical impossibility) need to talk to Adora _now._ ”

Catra groans. “ _No,_ Entrapta, we’ve been _over_ this.”

“Think about it,” Entrapta says. “If you talk to her, and it turns out she was experimenting, that’ll suck, but at least you’ll have confirmation that that’s all it was. If you talk to her, and it turns out she actually likes you back, then maybe you can figure something out between the two of you. And if you talk to her, and it’s neither of those things, well, that’s unlikely, but you guys could possibly start to repair your friendship. If you never talk to Adora, Catra, then you’ll never get closure. You won’t _know_ what the kiss meant, if it was a drunken mistake or something more, and it’ll probably keep you up at night. Right?”

Scorpia nods enthusiastically. “Right. Completely right. _Absolutely_ right. _Positively -_ “

“ _Scorpia,_ ” Catra interrupts. “I think I get it.”

Scorpia smiles sheepishly. “Hehe. Sorry.”

Sometimes, Catra really hates her friends. And this is because, no matter how much she wishes otherwise, they’re almost always right about stuff like this. Catra could pretend not to care about Adora and try and forget about her for the rest of her life, or she could take Entrapta and Scorpia’s advice and go to coffee with her like Lonnie was saying. With three friends telling her to do something, maybe it’s time Catra actually _does_ it.

“But what if - “ Catra starts to say, and swallows. “What if she says no? What if she doesn’t respond at all?”

Scorpia frowns. “Oh, I didn’t think of that. Entrapta?”

“Well,” Entrapta says, going back to her laptop again. “Then you’ll know she’s just not interested in preserving what you once had.”

If that’s the case, then Catra really hopes Adora says yes.

It takes her about ten minutes to bring herself to do it, but she pulls up Adora’s number (which she still has, and never deleted (probably out of spite, Catra would like to think, but more likely because she wasn’t ready to let go and still isn’t)), takes a deep breath, and shoots her a text.

**Adora**

**Me:** hey, adora. idk if u remember, but things got a little crazy at glimmer’s party. it’s totally fine if you don’t want to, but would u want to meet up sometime soon? just to talk. i need closure, and you probably need it too.

**Me:** it’s ok if not though.

Catra lets out a shaky sigh and throws her phone over on the other side of the bed. She does the best she can to put the thought of Adora out of her head, instead switching over to teasing a very flustered Scorpia about Perfuma.

But later, while she’s setting her alarm for the next morning, Adora actually texts her back.

**Adora**

**Adora:** Yeah, I think that sounds like a good idea. I don’t really remember everything that went down last week. Hopefully, you can help me out with that. Sorry in advance if it was something stupid !! Lol.

**Adora:** Sunday at the Starbucks? 2:30?

And before she loses her nerve, Catra writes back:

**Me:** ok cool. see you then.

**Adora:** 👍🏻

Even though it’s only a day away, Sunday seems to come slower than molasses. Catra spends pretty much all of Saturday trying to concentrate on her homework and worrying about how her…not _date,_ but - _thing_ with Adora will go. She kind of wishes they weren’t doing it in public since they’ll probably be having a pretty personal conversation. Then again, Catra doesn’t really trust herself to be in a room alone with Adora anymore. She might confess her love for her all over again, and if she’s in public, she’s _definitely_ not going to be doing that.

Hopefully.

All Scorpia does is text Perfuma, but when she’s not doing that, she’s offering Catra moral support that she didn’t ask for, but secretly appreciates.

“And if she breaks your heart,” Scorpia tells her. “I’ll fight her for you.”

Catra snorts. “Scorpia, she’d probably kick your ass.”

“You don’t know that!” Scorpia exclaims, flexing her biceps. “I spend a lot of time at the gym!”

“Oh, go show off your muscles for Perfuma, instead,” Catra says, grinning, and delights in the way Scorpia blushes.

When Catra wakes up on Sunday morning, her heart immediately leaps into her throat with nerves. She thinks about Adora in the shower. She thinks about Adora while she gets dressed. She thinks about Adora while she tries to choke down some breakfast in the cafeteria, as Entrapta rambles on about some new code she’s been working on and Sea Hawk sleeps on Mermista’s shoulder, drooling on their shirt.

Catra heads back to the dorm, thinks about Adora for another hour and a half, goes on a run, thinks about Adora for a little bit longer, and then at 2:00, her stomach twisting anxiously, she throws on a hoodie and walks to Starbucks.

She gets there at 2:23, and Adora’s already inside, sitting at a table and drinking something that looks obnoxiously sugary.

Catra swallows and walks in.

“Hey, Adora.”

Adora jumps, looks up from her phone, and smiles in a way that Catra thinks looks very false. She’s wearing the same red jacket that she had on at the party, the one that she’s worn since freshman year of high school, and it looks so much different here in the warmer glow of the coffee shop than it did in the flashy lights of Glimmer’s party. Catra’s chest feels a little tingly looking at it. She remembers how, back in school, she’d see that jacket and wouldn’t be able to keep the smile off her face.

“Hi,” Adora says. “How’s it…uh, how’s it going?”

“Good,” Catra says, sitting down opposite her. “Have you been waiting here long? I didn’t get the time wrong, did I?”

Adora shakes her head. “No, you’re fine. I just got here earlier than I needed to. You know me.”

Catra gives a small smile. “Right. I know you.”

Adora swallows, and Catra tries not to stare at her throat as she does it. “So, about the party - “

“Adora,” Catra says. “I haven’t gotten a drink yet.”

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Adora says, flushing slightly. “God, I didn’t even think. Sorry.”

Catra grins and rolls her eyes. With luck, right now is the most awkward things are going to get.

“Yeah, yeah,” she says, standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

Catra’s anxiety is starting to ebb away, even if only a little bit. Sure, she and Adora haven’t actually started _talking_ about anything yet, but at least things aren’t _too_ weird on the surface. Hopefully, it stays that way.

Catra almost throws up when she sees who’s working the register.

“ _Glimmer?_ ”

Glimmer raises an eyebrow. “Catra. Did you seriously not know that I work here?”

Catra shrugs. “I mean…I don’t come here that often. Scorpia’s always the one who gets the coffee.”

Glimmer rolls her eyes. “What do you want to drink?”

“Iced passion tea with raspberry syrup?”

“Really? That’s like, my favorite drink!”

Catra stares. “Bow, you work here too?”

Bow frowns. “Did she not know?”

“She didn’t know,” Glimmer says. “Can you go make her drink?”

Bow nods. “Sure thing.”

Catra goes to step out of line and stand to the side, but Glimmer snatches her hoodie sleeve and pulls her back.

“ _Hey!_ ”

“Are you here with Adora?”

“Yeah,” Catra says, wrenching her arm away. “What’s it to you?”

Glimmer sighs. “Just…be gentle with her. She’s really confused.”

  
Catra frowns. “Well, yeah, so am _I,_ but - “

“Catra.” Glimmer’s looking at her now more sincerely than she really ever has before. It scares Catra a little. “I’m serious. Don’t, like, walk out on her or anything.”

Catra swallows. “I wasn’t planning to,” she says quietly.

Glimmer nods, and grabs Catra’s tea from Bow, kissing him on the cheek. She hands it to Catra, and Catra forks over some cash.

“Hey! You’re holding up the line!”

“We’ll _get_ to you, Hordak!” Bow says, and Glimmer gives Catra one more meaningful glance before Catra leaves to go back to the table.

“So I gotta ask,” Catra says, sitting down again. “Are Bow and Glimmer dating, or what?”

“How do you not know?” Adora asks. “You go to school with them.”

“Eh,” Catra replies, shrugging. “I’ve just never been able to tell.”

“They’re not dating,” Adora says, snorting as she glances over at the counter, where Bow holds Glimmer’s hand as he makes Hordak’s drink. “But they’re definitely on their way.”

Catra hums, taking a sip of her tea. “So, what do you need to know about the party?”

Adora’s fingers fiddle with her phone case on the tabletop. “I remember getting there, and I remember drinking a lot. And then I sort of _vaguely_ remember spilling vodka all over myself, and you were there when I did it? But besides that, not much else. I didn’t think you were that drunk, so I was hoping you could help, like, fill some of the gaps in my memory.”

Catra’s heart races. Of course, Adora doesn’t remember the kiss. That would just be too easy.

“Well,” she says, looking down at the grain of the table’s wood instead of meeting Adora’s eyes. “You spilled your drink, so I brought you to Glimmer’s bathroom to help you clean up, even though I was planning on going home. And you said a lot of weird shit that drunk people always say, and I washed your jacket in the sink.”

Adora nods. “Was that all that happened?”

Catra swallows. She has a choice here: she can tell Adora the truth, or she can save them both the embarrassment and not say anything about the kiss. But as easy as it would be to walk away from all of this, Catra knows it wouldn’t be fair to Adora.

“Yeah, you, uh…” She inhales. “You kinda…kissed me.”

Adora’s fingers stop fidgeting.

“What?”

“You were drunk,” Catra says quickly. “You were really drunk, so it doesn’t mean anything, but yeah. You kissed me.”

Adora looks pale. “What…What did you do then?”

Catra shrugs, hoping her face isn’t as red as it feels. “I stopped you. I knew you weren’t thinking straight. And then I went home.”

“You left me?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Adora. I panicked.”

Adora nods shakily. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” Catra says. “You were experimenting, tons of straight girls experiment in college - “

Adora frowns. “I’m not straight,” she says.

“You’re - _what?_ ”

Adora shakes her head. “I’m not straight, Catra. I thought I was, back in high school. I really tried to convince myself that I was. But it was just like - I never really went out with any guys for a reason, I guess. And you remember Spinnerella and Netossa? I think I envied what they had more than I really wanted to admit at the time.”

“So you’re,” Catra says slowly. “You’re saying that you’re…”

“I’m a lesbian,” Adora says quickly. “I’m a lesbian, Catra, plain and simple.”

“Oh,” Catra says, heart hammering in her chest. “Ok.”

“And I _am_ sorry for kissing you,” she continues. “Especially after… _everything._ That was way out of line.”

Catra shrugs. “I mean, it’s…it’s whatever, I guess.” She trails off.

Adora looks pained. “Look, I - I really want to apologize for more than that, Catra. I want you to know how sorry I am about what happened when we were younger.”

“You mean when I told you I loved you,” Catra says hollowly.

“Right,” Adora says. “The way I reacted was way out of line. I was going through a lot at the time, especially with figuring out… _who I was,_ and when you told me that, it confused me. I freaked out.”

“You left me,” Catra says. “You never tried to text me, or call me, or _anything._ ”

“Neither did you,” Adora says quietly.

Catra hates that she’s right about that.

“But I’m sorry for not doing any of those things,” Adora continues. “And I’m sorry for breaking your heart.”

Catra shakes her head. “No, Adora, _I’m_ sorry. I shouldn’t have just sprung all that on you with no warning. It was a mistake, and it wasn’t fair to you. And I guess,” she says, swallowing roughly. “I guess I could have tried to get in touch with you, too. So we’re really both at fault there. Haha.”

Adora smiles. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes, a silence that is, surprisingly, fairly comfortable. Sure, Adora knows she kissed Catra at the party, and, yeah, Catra’s head is still reeling with the fact that Adora is gay and she had _no idea,_ but things are a little better than they were, at least. At least now, Catra might have a chance of being Adora’s _friend_ again.

Well, she thinks so, until Adora says,

“I’m sorry again for kissing you. That was really…I shouldn’t have done that.”

“What, am I too ugly for you?” Catra jokes.

Adora doesn’t laugh. She just shakes her head. “No, it’s not that, it’s…you’re not _ugly,_ Catra, you’re…”

Catra holds her breath. “What? Adora, what?”

Adora’s chest rises and falls slowly. “You’re beautiful.”

“Oh,” Catra says. “Ok.”

Her head feels really light and barely-there at all.

“I’m sorry for leading you on,” Adora says. “I know I’ve been apologizing for a lot, but I’m sorry for leading you on back in high school. Making you think…”

“Adora, no,” Catra says, wrapping her fingers around her cup just to have something to do with her hands. “You didn’t know. That’s not…none of that is your fault. I was a teenager with a hopeless crush, and there was no way you could have known about that, or done anything about it if you _did_ know.”

“But it wasn’t a _crush,_ ” Adora says, leaning forward, and Catra can smell her shampoo. “You were in love with me. Right?”

Catra doesn’t say anything. She just swallows, smells Adora’s shampoo.

Adora exhales carefully. “Oh my God. You _are_ in love with me. _Still._ ”

Catra starts. “I - “

Adora shakes her head slowly. “I thought you would have stopped by now. Because we weren’t talking, and we hadn’t seen each other for so long.”

Catra huffs. “I thought I would, too. Clearly, we were both wrong.”

Adora takes a sip of her drink, pointedly looking away from Catra. Catra doesn’t know _what_ she should be feeling right now.

And then a thought occurs to her.

“Adora,” she says carefully. “If you weren’t experimenting when you kissed me…then why did you do it?”

Adora’s lips part. Catra’s heart starts to run a marathon in her chest, waiting for the answer. Because if Adora kissed her, and she knew that she was a lesbian, then…

Catra doesn’t want to get her hopes up. Adora could really have just been plastered. But…

“Well, I…” Adora says. She leans back. Her eyes are wide. She looks anxious. Cornered. Like a deer in headlights.

Adora inhales deeply. “When Bow and Glimmer told me about the party, I knew there might be a chance I would run into you there. And I think that’s part of the reason why I went at all, because I might see you again and I hadn’t seen you in so long. And then when I got there, it was _weird,_ and then you ran off to be with your friend with the purple hair, and I wanted to go after you, but…I also didn’t. I was scared. I was - _nervous,_ and I thought I would’ve been able to talk to you, but instead I just started drinking.”

“Why did you want to talk to me at all?” Catra asks.

Adora sighs. “You don’t get it, do you? You’re just…you’re _so important_ to me, Catra. I didn’t want to let you go that easily. I wanted to fix what we had. I wanted things to go back to how they were before. I wanted to - “ She swallows, looks at the floor. “I wanted to tell you that I was in love with you.”

Catra’s breath catches in her throat.

“Are you - Are you being serious?” she whispers.

Adora nods, pink in the face. “Yeah. Completely.”

“When did you…”

Adora shrugs. “Sometime last year? I mean, I finally came to terms with who I was, and then…I thought a lot about what you said to me. And I realized a little bit more about myself, but by then it was too late. You were gone.”

Catra breathes shakily. “I’m here now. Adora, I’m here _now._ ”

Adora smiles sadly. “Do you really still want me?”

“Adora,” Catra says, reaching across the table slowly and tentatively taking her hand. “I’ve never _not_ wanted you.”

And it’s true. No matter how much Catra has tried to convince herself otherwise, she’s spent most of her life loving Adora.

How could she not?

Adora’s hand is warm underneath Catra’s own. “How do you want to do this, Catra?” she asks. “I mean, I don’t want to go too fast. I don’t want to ruin everything.”

Catra nods. “We can go slow. I think that’s a good idea. But I love you, Adora.” She smiles. “I love you. I love you.”

Adora grins. “I love you, too.”

Catra holds her hand tighter. “Can we call each other our girlfriends? Is that ok for right now?”

Adora nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s good.”

Catra feels lighter than air. “Ok. Good.”

“Can I walk you home?” Adora asks, and Catra is all too quick to say yes.

It’s kind of perfect, Catra thinks, as she walks back to campus hand-in-hand with Adora, that they worked things out in fall. Fall is Catra’s favorite season. She’s always found something cleansing and refreshing about it.

It feels like a new start. And this relationship is a new start, too. Maybe it was supposed to happen like this. That’s probably what Scorpia would say, anyway.

They talk a bit about school, about classes, about their friends. Adora smiles, and Catra smiles _because_ she smiles, and Adora’s laugh is as loud and clear as it always has been. The leaves crunch under their feet, the wind whips past their faces, and it’s not _really_ a first date, but it _sort of_ is, and Catra likes it a lot.

When they get to Catra’s building, Adora stops her outside her door.

“I’m sorry,” she says, cheeks rosy. “For everything.”

Catra grins. “Stop fucking apologizing, Adora. It’s ok. It’s really ok.”

Adora smiles. “Ok,” she says quietly, squeezing Catra’s hand, and Catra feels a rush go through her body.

“Can I - “ She wets her lips. “Can I kiss you? Would that be ok? If it isn’t, that’s fine.”

“I know we’re technically going slow,” Adora says breathlessly. “But I’ve wanted to kiss you for, like, two years now, and if you don’t do it soon, I seriously think I’m gonna combust.”

Catra laughs and leans in, and, _God,_ it’s even better than she ever imagined it could be. She never thought she’d be able to do this, and here she is, kissing Adora. Kissing her best friend. _Adora._ Her lips taste like strawberry chapstick, and they’re still chapped anyway, and they’re _perfect._

“Wow,” Adora says, grinning as they lean back.

“Wow,” Catra agrees.

She leans forward and gives Adora another quick peck. “I’m gonna go now, ok? But I’ll call you. I’ll call you.”

Adora nods. “Good. Yeah. _Great._ ”

Catra smiles. “Ok. Great.”

_Great._

**Author's Note:**

> hehe catradora ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️


End file.
